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They call her Cali...

She tries to live her life right
So she eats healthy and runs about every night
But she still feels dull inside
She wont take her clothes off for anybody
But she fucks around with everybody.
Don't slip up, keep running; she tells herself.
Refusing to deal with the feelings she has so
she puts them on a shelf and rips her heart off
her sleeve.
The guys she strings along get tired of her games
(of the little she gives them) she moves onto the
next one, refusing to see the same
pattern reoccurs.
All the females start to slur
Her pretty name has become a cuss word
Have you heard?...
rings in her ears, she keeps running
the dirty looks and stares
She doesn't really care
Just wishes that they would stop
so she could slow down and block
out what she already knows
starts to feel like a ho
without actually doing anything
Used to be a queen
Now she's just used
abused by her own emotions.
Wishes that they could see
more than her beauty
But sadly it led to this
It started with a kiss
and ended with a sneer.
Right now she stops running
Realizing that its no longer fun
She lost her spark from the
exchange of lips.
She still switches her hips but
theres no pride in her stride,
just anger
he shamed her
But she'll learn from it
She'll yearn but struggle
against this.
She fights with herself
hoping to conquer
down from the shelf
come her feelings.
She;s reeling from relief.
Hope, she believes
she can conceive
another interpretation of her
A revelation led to redemption.
she plays the game better
than any of them.
She's the same
but wiser.
No one chastises her.
The same females tilting their head
Follow what she says,
They twitter their compliments
she responds with sentiments
she doesn't feel,
But its okay, she's real.
She's better,
Go-getter. Let's nothing stop her.
Going to deceive, fake it til you believe it.
The vicious circle didnt break her soul
merely cast her role.
Like sophie, bleeding the color purple
She stands, bruised but not broken.
Erkel ain't got nothing on her schooling
Education led to deviation and her choosing to be
But ever after
is something she saves
for another chapter.
She tries to live her life right.
So she eats healthy and runs about every night.
She won't take her clothes for anyone
but she's willing to wait for the one.
Who might chase her into monogamy
She wont marry, to her the concept is too scary
But she's eager not to be alone.
So she works hard on making a home.
Insert a man into her busy life,
someone who just might make her reconsider wife.
Til then, she's gonna


I would've called but that seemed cliche; in this world we live in tradition matters more than anything else. More than feelings and emotions seem secondary. I try to be imaginary and end up confused. What have I to lose except my pride but, Hey I never wanted it anyway. I miss you, how could I not? Between the constantly changing weather and the lost packages you're all I got.

The Wall

There are times; movements that make it worth it. I try to see through this haze; but were living in complicated times. I keep struggling; hoping to break through the Wall. They say color matters; the lighter the better. Yet they discriminate within their own race. I feel like a traitor sometimes; because I choose not to correct their ethnic mistakes. Are you/must be white/puertorican/asian/etc. But I dont feel color. And I dont see the Wall. I must be blind.

Aug. 9th, 2010

Add new outlook. Delete negativity. Im above it; make the drama and jealousy invisible; dont pin your insecurities on me. Im too happy; fresh faced and bright-eyed don't be surprised if you wake up laughing. Enjoy it, I do it all the time,


Its funny how you reiterate;
and try to exaggerate the past we had. The present seems to be more real; but fuck how you feel, I can deal with this pressure; they hate: try a refresher button; so over your shit. It's all for the birds. Its absurd how words can stress and manipulate the situation; pure frustation takes over and Im losing control; I'm no longer in possession of my soul. It left with this nonsense, dont try and comment because I didnt ask for your opinion; Im making my decision and your not in it. Get with it or get lost; dont flatter yourself you're never the cause, or the reaction. Merely just the traction underneath my tires. Im going places with these desires and you like the dirt I leave behind; turn into dust.

Presence of Mind

Im just the genius behind the lines; I'm not one of your kind. You spit verses, I rehearse what you find tacked down in books; take a second look. Im vintage and youre the modern crook. I rely on commas and you on syllables. I write for profit and you with passion. I set the words in motion and you are the reaction. I dont think that its coincidence that Im just another teenage pretense and you are the future hence; I'll leave the lyrics and their challenges to someone who can manage them.

Sand and Dust; Sea Salt and Sunshine

Things change all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be fine; but whats the point of being incredible; this words are edible if I need to; I can complete you but in the end; its all pretend and games; dont play with me I will catch and mame you. Im the best; forget the rest. Original doesn't begin to compare; if you are Barbie; I am Swarovski. I am crystal, do not touch me. You have blemishes; so do I. The only differences is mine make me a diamond and yours only make you flawed. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder; tell me what makes you? I feel colder; I am freezing and you are believing that we are equal. Equality can never happen between us; Im too much and you are nothing at all. Never mind the complexity; I know that you cannot be me.

In the night

I miss the way we'd whisper in the dark, sing lullabies and concoct stories. Never change; big brother.

May. 23rd, 2010

when i was younger i was more believing, but
now im older and i feel lost in a sea of emotions. i just need to
get back to the only exception to every rule :SMILE for me you say,
but it wont change a thing, i'll be glowing regardless of all my
past mistakes

coming up to the surface

i dont know where i am, im lost in between bliss and amnesia., i know what i want but my identity becomes lost in fragments..i don't know what i think anymore